Downton Diaries
by MrsGaryOldman
Summary: Losing Anna and John to one another, Mr. Molesley and Vera Bates turn to their diaries... Set during S2 E05
1. I all alone beweep my outcast state

**A/N:** _Downton drabbles, in the form of diary entries, written for Team Anna/Bates over at **lovebelowstairs **on LJ. This chapter, Mr. Molesley has been shafted by Bates yet again..._

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 1<span> - _'I all alone beweep my outcast state'_**

I should have known it'd happen sooner or later.

Even after her turning me down, I'd held some hope that she'd just need a little more time and she'd think on me differently. I could be as good as him. Better even! Perhaps he was bigger than I, and all the manlier for serving in a war, but she could just as well do with more than some brute strap. She's a strong and moral woman, is Anna. Her pale colouring might lead one to think she's a delicate sort, but she's a will of iron and a steely mind. She and I would have been an idyllic intellectual match... We could have conversed on Dickens, Joyce, Conrad, Donne... I could have recited Shakespeare for her... I could have educated her on foreign writers; Poe, Twain, Whitman... Yes, she would have loved me easy, had I been given a chance. I would have been so much better for her than him.

But he's back. Welcomed as if he were some sort of hero, Mr. Bates has returned to Downton. Never mind that he's married, been locked up, walks with the aid of a cane and has a reputation of being a drunkard... but then, none of us are without a past.

I should be more upset about losing the valet's position than I am, angrier with him for taking the shoe horn I'd picked and purchased, but none of it mattered much when compared to the fact that Anna and I will never be now.

Never shall I feel her snow-white skin... her golden tresses... her fine pink lips... Never shall I be able to compare her to a Summer's day... Never shall I whisper Sonnet 018 to her over a fine bouquet from my garden, of which grew no flower as lovely as her. Not even my own roses bear the shade of pink on her cheeks. Darling Anna.

I hope Mr. Bates knows how fortunate he is. Much as I want to, I cannot scorn the man. I survived watching them whisper and giggle together before, and I will again. I wish them well.

_J. Molesley_

PS: I had marked out something a little more joyous for reading tonight, anticipating that I would have sat by her in the servant's hall for dinner, but considering the circumstances, Sonnet 029 is much more appropriate:

__When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,_  
><em>I all alone beweep my outcast state,<br>And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,  
>And look upon myself, and curse my fate,<br>Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,  
>Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,<br>Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope..._  
><em>


	2. One Way, Or Another

**A/N: **_Seething after the trickery of selling her story to Carlisle,_ _Vera vents..._

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 2<span> - _One Way, Or Another_**

That miserable _whore!_

Think she can have my leftovers, does she? Well, if I can't have him, she can't. Stupid bitch, standing smugly beside him like she has a right... acting as if she's his angel, his saviour. Nothing but a plain, simple maid, that's all she is. As if he'd go for a little blonde like her! She's only an aul' rat so she is. She's cast some sort of spell over him, yet I'm the one treated like a witch! Excuse me but _I'm _the one with his surname. _I'm_ the one who knows what he feels like. How dare she look down her snout at me! I see the way she carries herself, thinking she's pretty... all dainty and petite... thinking her youth gives her one-over... Well, Hell hath no fury, ya little slut.

As for my darling Batesy... I bet you're happy with yourself after the little Carlisle stunt, aren't ya? If it were on someone else, I might have even patted you on the back, but after all this time, you still seem to underestimate me. Did you think it'd finish me, your little trick? Well I'm sorry to disappoint but, I'm nowhere near done. Oh no. Not on your life, John Edward, or mine. If I have to slit my own throat and make you the culprit, I'll not see you happy again. If you love her as much as me, let you go to jail for her as well!

No, if I can't have you John Bates, neither can she.

_Mrs. Vera Bates _

_PS: You took those infidelities too personally... I only wanted to make you jealous. Remember when you'd get angry and then, still angry, we'd make up? We're the same, you and me. She could never ignite any of that in you. She's different. She needs a boy, and you need a woman. One way or another, ye'll see... _


End file.
